there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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