I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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