I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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