i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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