we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
