his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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