You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
