come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
