I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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