This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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