I think i peed on brittanys purse
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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