just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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