At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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