Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
