i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
