More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
