i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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