Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
