I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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