bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
