Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
