So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
