I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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