I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
