My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
