I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
