u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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