I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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