Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
