as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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