so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
