I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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