Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
