i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
