please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
