You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
