I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
