Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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