so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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