It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
