i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
