I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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