Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
