Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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