You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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