STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
