I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
