Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
