If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
