It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The best revenge is premature balding
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
